How to show up ready, even when you’re not feeling it

It’s June and that means two more weeks for companies and organizations to squeeze in events before people start heading out on vacation. Weeks are full. I’m an avid networker and I love being out with people, but add busy weekends, family responsibilities, duties around the house, taking care of pets and suddenly that Thursday evening cocktail event doesn’t seem as fun as it once did. And don’t get me started if it happens to rain on a day when I signed up for something.


So how do I show up ready even when I don’t feel like it? I have a three-part “pregame” strategy that I use before I walk into a room. It involves a phone call, a bottle of water and an eye-catching accessory. Confused yet? Read on …


Phone a friend: I’ve written in the past about my introverted tendencies. When I get really busy, sometimes the networking can feel like a chore. Then I have moments of self-doubt and the narrative in my head goes like this: “Everyone in the room is smarter/older/younger/more accomplished/titled than me. This is not worth the time. I’d rather catch up on my e-mails and go to bed early.” When I’m not feeling it, I call one of my trusted sources. We’ve worked together or known each other for years, they’ve seen me shine in professional situations and they’re always available for a quick text or phone pep talk. Really take the time to figure out who makes you feel good about your work and seek out positive people. They’ll make you feel confident walking into a crowded room.


Hydrate and power up: if you’re in a service-based business, you’ve likely got stacked up conference calls, client meetings and staff meetings over lunch. I used to return calls or read e-mails right up to walking into an event. You can’t be a good conversationalist if you’re hungry, dehydrated and haven’t had time to decompress. Easy solution: stash a bottle of water in your desk and keep some healthy, protein-based snacks on hand. (This helps us avoid the sugar-and-caffeine trap which is not a good foundation on which to layer a glass of wine!) This also forces you to slow down and take a few minutes to get your head in the game. I even hold myself accountable for eight glasses of water a day using my Fitbit app. I am rarely tired before walking into an event, even on my busiest of days. It works!


Wear a conversation piece: it can be hard to start a conversation if it’s a new group, or you’re older/younger than a lot of the attendees. Sometimes conversation just doesn’t flow as easily. While I’m usually a big proponent of having a few classic, timeless outfits for big events or new business pitches, sometimes if I’m just not feeling it, I find the biggest, bling-iest accessory in my closet and wear it. It provokes questions and often draws other people into the conversation. Suddenly, you’re not talking accessories you’re just … talking.


Last night, I attended the PRSA New Jersey Chapter Pyramid Awards which was a terrific night honoring the best PR campaigns of the year. This, after having house guests for five days, enduring 90-degree temperatures and driving more than an hour to attend. Using the three-step pregame strategy I came away with two potential lunches, connected one friend with a new business opportunity and may speak at an undergraduate class in the fall. Networking isn’t rocket science. Mostly, it’s about feeling really good about your authentic self before you walk into a room.


Happy networking!

Just take the call already …

I’ve been here too many times to count: around 3pm of an already long day, serving clients for most of it (some happy, some not-so-happy). Everyone needs a piece of me; the boss, direct reports, clients, kids, and even the family dog. I’d start my next “shift” at 5pm being mom, doing the sports shuttle and still trying to juggle incoming work calls. That kind of a day would make anyone want to bury their head in the sand. (And I’d bet most of us do have more than one of those days per month.)

So what would I do when the LAST thing I wanted to do was talk to yet another person? Well, of course I’d silently thank the universe for inventing texting and e-mailing and fire up the iPhone! What an easy way to transact business and avoid all the potentially messy stuff that comes from people calling and wanting something that I may not be able to give them at that precise moment.

Guess what that does? It deprives you of an opportunity to build a better connection with someone. It doesn’t matter who, or what they want, but trying to fulfill a request or evaluate an inquiry or do anything beyond a simple yes/no answer by text or e-mail robs you of valuable opportunities to practice being a good communicator. How do I know this? From personal experience.

I know this because in my PR days, one of the agencies for which I worked was in danger of losing a client. While it had to do with many factors, it was a client with whom I’d relied upon a lot of e-mail transactions. There was plenty of good face time sure; but when I did the Monday-morning quarterbacking about the relationship I realized several times I had avoided picking up the phone when the client didn’t answer an e-mail. I was trying to be polite, assuming they were busy. But I should have called more than I did.

Would that have saved the relationship? Who knows. But, what it did was taught me a valuable lesson about talking with people. (Again, here I was advising on communications …. hmmmm.)

Here are a few observations I’ve made about actual phone conversations:

  1. There is no need to fear immediacy. Yes, our attention spans are shorter and yes, people (especially in work/client service situations) do expect immediacy. But just like it’s okay to say to a reporter “I don’t have that right now but let me find someone who does and get back to you,” it’s OKAY to just take a call and not actually finish the conversation. At least hearing your voice and starting a dialog lets the other person trust that you are paying attention.
  2. Technically, two people share responsibility for steering a conversation. Just because you pick up a call doesn’t mean you need to listen to a whole 30 minutes. Again: it is OKAY to tell another person regardless of who it is, that you have X minutes to chat. Just do it politely, before the call gets underway.
  3. If you’re screening because you are worried that someone on the other end is unhappy well, chances are they might be. Our instincts are usually right. Avoidance is NOT a good strategy! It only makes the next encounter more difficult and sometimes doing this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have a great strategy for diffusing potentially tough conversations, and if you’d like to learn more about it, let me know here or by e-mail and I can include it in a future post.

Bottom line: we are all about convenience and that’s okay, we’ve got a lot to do and we wear so many hats, technology can be a great help. If we rely on it too much it can also hinder our ability to connect, which is so important as we learn how to build teams, gain influence, persuade and motivate people around us.

Stuck in a rut?

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut. We might hang onto an old hairstyle because it worked (when we were 20…) Or we might stay working in a particular industry because that’s where someone wanted us way back when, until we realize lawn fertilizer or tax prep software or athletic socks are just not our jam. It takes a lot of self-discipline to examine your life to figure out what’s working for you.

I really struggled with this during my mid- to late-30s. I felt awkwardly caught between being that young, eager go-getter in the office vs. the seasoned, competent professional woman who could dole out sage advice. Our 30’s tend to be busy years; we could be making really big strides in our careers, buying real estate, forming significant relationships and perhaps starting a family. Often, we accumulate these roles without properly integrating them into our lives and changing the way we show up.

In my case, because I had gained a better title with my new job, I had gotten married and was looking for a house suddenly I felt like I had to be more serious. I ditched all my natural mannerisms especially the ones that make me unique. Guess what? It didn’t work. The disconnect between who I really was and who I was trying to be was so strong, it started interfering with my ability to build relationships with my internal clients. And it really started to interfere with my communication style: the more I felt I needed to be serious, the more I shut down. I rarely joked in meetings, never let anyone know about my personal interests, and only talked business. You can imagine how much fun I was.

Eventually I realized I was doing myself more harm than good. If my natural self wasn’t accepted in this workplace, then long-term, I would probably be happier elsewhere. Letting loose a bit would probably have even improved my work product. I’m pretty sure they would have still liked me if I talked about my weekend plans and my pets once in a while!

Are you in a rut with your communication style? Are you still showing up as your 22-year-old intern self as a 32-year-old rising leader? Or perhaps like me, prematurely aging yourself to be a wise old sage at 36? Think about how you show up. For a fun exercise, try asking 10 people to list three things that come to mind when they think of you. You might be surprised to see what comes back.

Psst: I’ve got a secret. I’m an introvert.

I’ve got a big secret that most of my colleagues from the last 20 years don’t know: I’m actually an introvert. I remember the first time I was administered the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). I had just taken a very challenging job, one that had no precedent in the organization so I was breaking new ground. Additionally, I was newly married and trying to figure out what it meant to be part of a couple. There was a lot of change in my life and a lot of new roles I was trying out.

You can probably imagine, the achiever in me, the self-identified “people person” anxiously awaited the test results, sure that I’d land squarely in the E-for-extrovert zone. Imagine my shock/confusion/dismay when I landed in the I-zone: introvert. Almost immediately I thought, “What?! I’m not a person who spends her day buried in spreadsheets. I’m a relater, a convener, a people person!”

Then it was explained to me, the introvert-extrovert scale measures how a person gets their energy (from being in large groups vs. having quiet reflective time) and it’s not a measure of their shyness or their capacity for public speaking. Later, after a few other tests, I learned that I am what some psychologists call “ambivert” meaning people like me hover in the center of the E/I continuum and lean to either side depending on what is going on in our lives. While I’m not one for labels, that made perfect sense to me.

Over time I learned to appreciate this bit about my personality as it helped me show up ready and gauge my own receptivity for certain situations. For example, I found myself uncharacteristically laboring over my elevator speech before an event and I knew it was likely to be a more challenging night because I’d also had a lot of other interpersonal challenges going on at work. I was tired from dealing with interpersonal conflicts, and not likely to be a sparkling conversationalist. Cue the self-care rituals: get to the gym, add an extra hour of quiet time before bed, eat healthy if I was to show up ready the rest of the week.

Knowing yourself and your style is one of the most important first steps in setting good communication habits. What cues do you use to figure out yours?

The pitfalls of “always on”

As someone who’s done crisis communications, I know more often than not, our jobs are not 9-to-5. In fact, since our smartphones became our constant companions it’s more like 24/7. Surely there have been many times that it’s been important and necessary for colleagues to reach me late at night or early morning. Working for a utility company during Hurricane Sandy in 2012? Necessary. Working for a new client during an unannounced, unforeseen CEO transition? Necessary. I’m pretty sure I took calls around the clock and had to, just to keep business moving and meet other deadlines.
But then there are the other times, when “always on” is just a habit of our lives and it leaves me wondering if that “always on” is really necessary.
Consider the following: during any given eight-hour workday, we are subject to dozens of tense situations: a traffic jam on our commute, stalled train, angry client, late meeting, the list goes on. If we aren’t careful, our “fight or flight” response – the mechanism in the body that enables humans and animals to mobilize a lot of energy rapidly in order to cope with threats to survival – activates each time these common irritants bombard us.


According to Psychology World, the fight or flight response triggers increased heart rate, constricted blood vessels, and tightened muscles. If that’s what potentially happens to us several times on a daily basis how can we show up to conversations relaxed, collaborative, and open? It seems counter-intuitive to me that most people want their employees/vendors/advisors available to them 24/7 yet, they also want uniquely creative, strategic and insightful solutions. I don’t think it’s possible to have both.


I’m in favor of ditching the 24/7 mentality. After years of being always on, now I set boundaries and expectations and think twice before I respond to a new person off hours or on the weekend. What kind of message does that send about you as a communicator? How will you guard against fight/flight when it hits?


Mindfulness and … communications?

What, you say? Yoga mats in the office? Meditation?

Mindfulness is a big buzzword right now: why we should do it, how to do it, its application in different industries and the dangers that can happen when we multitask. Yet most of us in service-related businesses still multitask on a pretty regular basis.

So no, this isn’t about yoga in the office, it’s about why communications professionals are some of the biggest offenders of multitasking and how it’s actually sabotaging our creativity and therefore our client service.

My realization about the link between mindfulness and creativity and client service wasn’t so much a lightbulb moment; it was more a gradual nagging sense that the natural curiosity I always had about things was waning. It felt like my brain couldn’t possibly process any new information because I was always in a state of output. As a result I no longer sought out new material – I just let it flow around me, sometimes absorbing it and sometimes not. When you’re constantly producing material, reviewing someone else’s material, or meeting a deadline, how can you possibly explore, learn, integrate, practice and then deliver anything new?

As client service professionals I think we are hesitant to appear that we are wasting time, not delivering value or 100% focused on our clients. Yet, that lack of attention to ourselves is exactly what kills the creativity. And lack of creativity is an often-cited reason for clients looking elsewhere.

I’ve experienced situations in which it was clear the client or colleague expected I was to be available 24/7 and oh by the way, always immediately. Unfortunately the work product that often results from that scenario is reactive, standard fare lacking in uniqueness and creativity. I would rather be the person delivering proactive, creative and different ideas, that’s why I’ve forced myself to start taking a few hours each week to think and see where it takes me.


A diamond in the rough

Welcome back to Gem Strategic Communications, 18 months later. The title of this post says it all: it’s not quite polished, but something amazing to uncover.

A while back I wrote about authenticity. You know, the word we all use when we do media training.

It’s kind of hard to be completely authentic as a client service-focused person. By definition, you have to provide what your audience wants. So for years I’ve dutifully written about topics I thought were appropriate, or topics that every other PR professional was also blogging about. Guess what? I’m sure my pieces were well written, but I doubt any of them oozed authenticity.

Yesterday I found myself testing out my elevator speech again. I’ve been doing it for several months now. What came out was something this:

“I’m rebooting my solo practice because I realized after a year of being back in a large setting, there is a lot of entrepreneur in me. There are many topics I want to explore about creativity, mindfulness, and leadership that I wasn’t able to do because of time constraints or it just didn’t fit in the conservative industries I served. I’m focused on opportunities with mid-sized organizations where I can provide both internal and external communications. But I’m also excited to explore where this other conversation goes and how that might impact the way I position my offering and myself moving forward.”

I sometimes get raised eyebrows and skeptical looks. I’ve also gotten outright “womp womp womp” from a few people who think I need to have my story tighter. I sense that’s because I am networking in a new way with people I have known for a long time, and it probably is uncomfortable to them. But it’s authentic.

So you won’t always find me talking about the PR topics of the day. It’s less likely you’ll find me dissecting a CEO speech or discussing a new measurement tool and more likely, you’ll find me exploring employee engagement, leadership, resilience, work-life management, health and wellness, and how it all contributes to what the outside world sees about an organization.